You're A Hot Mess
by dei-deichan-mewmew
Summary: Akatsuki are at club 88 the hotest club in Konha what happens when certain people turn up? DeixIta Hidanxoc Plz be nice my first fanfic!
1. Chapter 1

You're a hot mess.

Akatsuki were out in a Club 88. The hottest club in Konha. Deidara and Sasori were dancing the night away; Hidan and Kakuzu were chatting up some girls and drinking vodka. The club was alive and everyone was there, well everyone who was cools enough. The Akatsuki were at the top of the social ladder with the girls, money, and lifestyle. The lights were bright and sending everyone crazy. The music was heavy and louder than anyone can imagine. And in the private corner was the Akatsuki table filled with girls and drinks the sofas were blood red. The curtains were sea blue beads. After Deidara and Sasori got bored of dancing they headed back to there table falling in to his seat Deidara Finally spoke.

"Man I', bored there' nothing to do no to mess with. I was hoping those

Konha brats would turn up."

"Well your wish has been granted, look over there," Itachi said while drinking "I see a little blonde boy and his mates near the bar."

"How 'bout we spice up this evening" Kakuzu smirked and winked at Deidara

"Yeah, it'll be a blast"

Naruto and Sasuke were heading over to the bar and ordering drinks.

"Yeah I'll have a gin and tonic to" Sasuke said

"Hey look who it is," Deidara said as he walked up to them.

"What do you want Deidara?" Sasuke said shamefully

"Nothing more than to play with you" he smiled

"Play with us?" Sakura warily asked

"Not you, Sakura I'm looking for Sasuke's little friend"

"Your not getting' your pathetic hands on her" Sasuke threaten

"You dare threaten me? Hahahaha! You the pathetic one, Where is she I really want to met her your little friend is it. Itachi's told me all about her. " Deidara smiled in a cool relaxed way

Sasuke was filled with rage he wanted to kill Deidara. But he knew he wasn't strong enough to hurt him.

"She's at home" Sasuke lied "she didn't feel well"

Deidara laughed

"You can't lie to me I know to much about you, you see me and Itachi share secrets he told me that when you lie you can't look me in the eye, Now where is she."

"Why do you want her so badly anyway?" Sakura interrupted

"Like I said before, is it wrong to have a chat with her"

"Yes it is, That's why Itachi joined. You twisted his mind and made him join that's what you do to everyone who becomes a member. He didn't want to join you made him" Sasuke screamed

"Foolish little brother I joined on my own free will" Itachi said while walking over

"Now come on I would do that to your friend, we only take on the twist-minded people like Itachi and I. your friend from what I hear isen't twisted, she insane when she losest it."

Sasuke Launched himself on to Deidara grabbing a kunai from his pocket and holding it to his throat, Deidara didn't show the slightest of fear she stood there calm as ever and smiled to himself.

"Sasuke!" Sakura gasped

"You dare say one more word about her I'll kill you." Sasuke whisperd to Deidara, who laughed at this statement

"Kill me! Sasuke, Sasuke , Sasuke you truly have to learn you can not kill me. Never. Shall you kill me." Deidara now pulled a more serious face which signalled Sasuke to get of him. At this moment Pain came over who was not looking every happy. He glared at Deidara and Itachi.

"Excuse my ignorant friends," Pain said in a cool slow voice

"It's ok" Sakura said while holding Sasuke back

Pain gave another glare at Deidara which sent them black to the table.

When they got back to the table Hidan and Kakuzu where there also staring at them.

"What have I told time and time again" Pain angrily

"Don't make a scene " Itachi said

"See? Is it so hard to follow that one rule"

"No"

"Then why did you make a scene?" Konan asked

"We where just messin' with him"

"Then do it somewhere else. Now come on we're going home"


	2. I Kissed Boy And He Screamed

Chapter 2- I Kissed a Boy and he screamed.

On the way home from Club 88 Hidan and Kakuzu were drunk out of there minds. Singing really gay songs.

"Oh for god sake will you shut up your driving me insane!" Kisame screamed

"How many vodka's did you drink?" Sasori asked

"To many" Itachi said in his cool, calm voice

Deidara was sitting in the back of the car staring out of the window, ignoring Hidan rant about Jashin. Itachi saw the blonde looked displeased with himself and tried cheering him up.

'What's wrong with you?" Itachi asked Deidara as he stroked his hair.

"Nothin' really just thinking, un" Deidara replied

"Come on at the club was fun, didn't you enjoy it?"

"I did a bit but she wasn't there so it wasn't that fun."

"I'm sure Yui will come next time. I'm make sure of it," Itachi grinned

Deidara looked at Itachi and kissed him on lips. Deidara put his arm round Itachi neck. Then they broke away. Only centimetres apart.

"Come on get a room!" Kisame said with disgust. Deidara blushed and looked away from Itachi.

"At least I have a boyfriend unlike you fish-stick" Itachi yelled back

"I'm not gay like you sickos."

"Oi! Been gay isn't sick its. . Its…. its" Deidara couldn't finished the sentence because he didn't know what to say.

"It's pissing me off now sit back and shut up, Itachi, Deidara save your make out session till we get home." Pain said

By the time they got home it was half-past three in the morning and Hidan was throwing up sick everywhere, god knows why his sick was blue.

Deidara opened the door to the house and for some bizarre reason the light were on. Itachi then walked passed him and one step on to the carpet he felt some thing. He dared himself to look down and saw blood all over the carpet splatted like someone had shot themselves.

"Holy shit." Kisame said

"I so anit cleanin that up" Deidara said

Kakuzu sniggered at Deidara remark and was the only one who found it funny which a surprise to everyone. Because he was the one paying for a new one. Then again he was drunk. He would have laughed if some one took all of his money.

"Isn't Tobi here I thought we told him to stay at home?" Konan asked

"That's what I thought." Pain said as he walked straight in to the house pushing Itachi out of the way he looked and the living room and saw blood all over the sofa and dragging marks on the floor.

"Everyone be on your guards and search the house for anybody if you find anything just yell." Pain said with out looking at anybody.

Everyone stepped carefully around the house looking at the steps they had taken. Deidara was the first one up the stairs he passed the pictures of the Akatsuki trip to Disney land with Tobi killing Pluto and Pain standing in the middle with his arms crossed glaring at camera. He reached the top of the landing he saw the blood again this time heading into his and Itachi room…

He gulped. Walking even more slower he was thinking of all the possibility of what was in his room. A mad man, a wild bear eating a mad man or a Godzilla eating a wild bear with a mad man in its mouth.

"No" He thought to himself. He stood at the door now. He took a deep breath he put his ear to the door to see if he could hear anything. Nothing. Just silence.

Now he was even more scared.

"M…M… Maybe I… I… should check the other room," He said to himself.

"You found anything yet?" Itachi said in a deep slow voice.

"FUCK HOLY SHIT YOU BASTARD I WANT TO KILL YOU UN!" Deidara screamed and yelled

Itachi laughed.

"Your face, ha"

"God don't you know any better then to scare a scared person! Un" Deidara said

Itachi walked closer to Deidara.

"Aww my poor Dei-Dei was scared!" Itachi said as he rapped his arms round him.

Deidara blushed. As his heart beat faster than ever. Because he was scared and that he was loving that Itachi arms where round him.

"Come. Lets open the door together, since it's my room as well" Itachi smoothly said he held Deidara shaking hand and placed it on the door handle. He twisted it. Deidara closed his eyes tightly and pushed the door open to a dark room. The room stank of blood. Deidara opened his eyes slightly.

"I…I…Itachi is that you" A girls voice said. The girl was on the bed lying down coved in blood she sat up with a strand of hair in her mouth. Deidara's eyes were wide open. The next thing they heard was a loud scream. And all went black.


	3. And We Could Do This Until We Pass Out

And We Could Do This Until We Pass Out.

The next morning around 11:30 everyone started dragging themselves out of bed and down to the kitchen. Except for Deidara who slept on the sofa because he was to scared to sleep in his room.

Hidan came stumberling down the stairs half awake. Then he opened his eyes wide and covered his mouth with his had and ran into the kitchen and threw up sick in the sink. Twice.

"God, Hidan we have to eat this morning," Deidara said as he looked up.

"Fuck you" He gasped before throwing up again.

Kakuzu came running down stairs after hearing Hidan throw up.

"WHAT THE HELL HIDAN YOUR SO FUCKING CLEANING THAT UP" Kakuzu screamed

At this moment Pain came down stairs and walked over to the Kitchen he took to more steps and peered over into the sick to see how bad it was. He pulled a face and walked away. Leaving Hidan passed out on the floor.

"Someone clean it up before Tobi comes down stairs and plays with it." Pain said while grabbing his newspaper from the table and sitting down next to Deidara on the sofa.

"Leader-sama what happed after I passed out last night" Deidara asked

Pain started remembering what happened.

_**Last Night**_

"Yui?" Itachi said rushing to her "What the hell happened to you?"

Deidara fainted at the sight if her.

Pain rushed upstairs and saw Deidara on the floor he looked up and saw Itachi in his room with a girl.

"Itachi, what. Is. Going. On" Pain angrily said

"Look could you at least help her she's bleeding everywhere" Itachi said

"Fine" Pain walked over to Yui and held her up.

"We'll take her to the bath room and wash all he blood of her" Itachi said

"KISAME, GET HERE NOW" Pain yelled

Kisame came running up the stairs and into the bedroom he took one glance them carrying a girl coved in blood of the bed he also fainted.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG YOU PEOPLE YOU KILL PEOPLE ALL THE TIME YET YOU FAINT WHEN YOU SEE A DEAD BODY, JESUS CHRIST!" Pain yelled

"What with all the yelling?" Konan asked as she came up the stairs.

"Thank god you didn't pass out," Deidara said

"What the hell, who's this?" Konan asked staring at the body.

"Just go into the bathroom and run the water into the bath" Itachi said

"Ok?" Konan said walking into the bath and turning the taps on full speed with water gushing and hitting the sides of the bath.

" Ok, you can bring her in" Konan said

Itachi and Pain brought Yui into the bathroom and dumped her on the floor.

"Right lets get this done." Pain said as he started taking Yui clothes off

"Whoa what the hell do you think your doing? Get out let me do that" Konan said

Pain blushed and walked out with Itachi and shut the door behind them. At that moment Konan started taking of Yui clothes and saw an injury in her right arm it was probley made from a knife a very deep cut. She picked her up and put her in the bath and started washing the blood of her.

After half an hour of getting blood of her she took her out of the bath and left the blood bath and put a bathrobe on her.

"Ok, Pain, Itachi you can come in now," Konan yelled.

Pain and Itachi came in and saw Yui sitting on the toilet seat life less.

"Right for now she sleeps in your room" Pain said nodding at Itachi "We all go to bed and we sort all this tomorrow morning" and he left with Konan to there room leaving Itachi to take her to his bedroom.

He picked her up and carried her to his bedroom walking past Deidara and Kisame life-less bodies on the floor. He walked into his bedroom turning the light out seeing blood all over Deidara bed. He walked over to a chair and dumped her in it. He started to strip Deidara bed sheets and put new ones on. Then picked up Yui and placed softly on the bed. He then got Deidara from outside and put him on his own bed. Itachi striped from his clothes put on his Pyjamas and got in bed with Deidara. Then remembered he needed to turn the light off so he got up and turn it off and got back into bed with the Blondie.

During the night Deidara came around and saw Itachi asleep next to him. He turns round the other way and saw Yui. On his bed. He sat bolt right up and memories started flooding back. At that moment he got up took a pillow and ran downstairs and went to sleep on the sofa.

_**Back to today**_

Itachi walked downstairs coolly and smelt Hidan sick from the kitchen. He pulled a face and walked over to the living room. He sat in his armchair and pulled out a magazine from under the table.

"Right I think its time to discus what happened last night" Pain said

"Yeah I've been thinking the same thing," Itachi said

"First question, who the hell is she?"

"Her name is Yui White she lives in Konha" At that moment when he said Konha everyone hissed and booed. Itachi ignored everyone. "Yeah and I knew her as a child, Deidara knew her as well."

"Second question" Pain said "Why is she here?"

"As if we would know," Deidara said looking Itachi.

"Its obvious she was in trouble" Itachi said

"You know what this is useless were not getting anything out of you too. We going to have to wait until she wakes up for know we go back to normal" Pain said looking round the room.

Tobi then came prancing downstairs and into the kitchen he saw Hidan sick and grinned.

"PLAYDOE!" Tobi yelled

He played with it in his hands and then he came to an idea. He walked over to his sempai and stood behind his with 'play doe' in his hands.

"SEMPAIIIII! Can I play with you hair?" Tobi stupidly asked

"No"

Tobi ignored this and dug the 'play doe' into Deidara hair. Deidara turned round lightning fast and smacked Tobi into a different nationality. Then he went up stairs to wash his hair again not knowing Hidan's sick was in his hair.


	4. Give You Hell

Gives You Hell

It had been a week and Yui was still sleeping. Deidara was getting bored of this and he wanted his bed back the sofa was hard. It was a Sunday afternoon and everyone was getting along with their normal routine. Except for Deidara. Itachi was in his room reading at the desk. His long black hair flowed onto his shoulders as he twirled it with his fingers. Deidara walked in looking bored and flopped on to Itachi's bed. Itachi didn't even look at him coming in and carried on reading.

"I'm bored," Deidara said looking up at the ceiling.

"And?" Itachi replied

"Can we go clubbing tonight?"

"Deidara" Itachi huffed "its Sunday we'll go next week"

"But I'm bored" Deidara whined like a 5 year old wanting candy

Itachi now fed up closed his book and walked over to his bed he sat next Deidara and twirled Deidara blonde hair. Deidara blushed and turned away from Itachi. Itachi laughed and gently put his hand on Deidara waist and pulled him back over Itachi kissed him sweetly on the lips Deidara wrapped his arms round Itachi's neck and pulled him closer. Itachi sat on top of Deidara. Deidara pulled away face flushed deep red.

"What's wrong?" Itachi asked

"Her. It doesn't feel right, having sex while someone watching you." Deidara said staring at Yui.

"Ignore her. Pretend it's just us" Itachi said kissing Deidara's neck

They continued on kissing, Itachi thinking it was to hot took His shirt off as well as Deidara. Itachi started to lick Deidara chest.

"Ugh. Tachi"

**SLAM!**

The door was smacked open of it hinges and in the doorway stood…

"HELLO BITCHES" Hidan said

"JEASUS CHRIST HIDAN DO YOU MIND WERE BUSY!" Deidara yelled

"Hidan. Get. Out. Now " Itachi glared Hidan grinning face.

"Nah I don't feel like it" Hidan said.

He walked over to Itachi's bed and knelt down to Deidara's ear

"So" He said in a cool low whisper, grinning "Is this your first time" Deidara pushed Itachi of him and launched himself onto Hidan on the floor. Strangling him he yelled all kind of insults that even surprised Itachi.

"Ugh. Ah bastard you can't kill me " Hidan laughed

"Oh yeah just wait till I blow your head of and make sure Kakuzu doesn't sew it back on again" Hidan smile disappeared and started fighting back. Itachi just laughed at this. By this time Pain walked in with Kisame and Kakuzu

"Kisame, Kakuzu get them of each other." Pain said

Kisame started pulling Deidara of Hidan. Kakuzu didn't the same to Hidan.

"Now what the hell is going on?" Pain said

"Well I just had a question for Deidara. You know if he had sex and all with Itachi but then I remembered me being next door and all that I could always hear Deidara screaming 'Itachi, Itachi god it feels so good!'" Hidan remarked everyone blushed at what Hidan said except for Deidara he wasn't blushing he's face had gone some what with rage and anger jet anger, he broke through Kisame arms and launched himself once again on to Hidan who Kakuzu let go of out of fear. This time Deidara pushed Hidan onto HIS bed with Yui in it and starting attacking him full on. Pain now tired of this just counted 1-10 and walked out the room to prevent him self from killing both of them.

"You know" Kisame whispered to Kakuzu "it looks like their having sex" At this moment hell let loose Deidara really wanted to kill Hidan now. But before he could the thing which surprised everyone. A voice, which no one thought, they would hear for a while.

"Could you get of me you heavy!"

Both Hidan and Deidara stopped and turning to Yui who was now awake.


	5. Poppin' Fresh

Chapter 5 – Poppin' Fresh

"What. The. Fuck" Deidara said.

Everyone was dead silent so silent that you could hear Tobi pissing in the loo.

"Yui? Your awake?" Itachi said

"Of course she's awake you dumb shit," Hidan said

"Now can you get of me Deidara"?

"Oh yeah sorry"

Suddenly Pain re-appeared "Everyone living room NOW!"

10 minutes later everyone was downstairs even Yui. Deidara sat on Itachi's lap while Hidan took up the whole sofa saying he had cramps in his legs and he needed to spread out.

"Right Yui, I don't want to be offensive but what the hell were you doing in our house with blood everywhere!" Pain said in a calm voice.

"I was running away from home" Yui said

"Running away? But you loved it there." Itachi questioned

"I no but I was getting married to some weirdo, so I had to get out of it so I ran away but they came after me and one of them stabbed me in me stomach I knew where Itachi lived so I came inside I mean the door was open"

"Yeah I heard about you marriage to that douche bag I kinda felt sorry for you" Deidara said

"So I was wandering if I could stay for awhile I mean since I can't go back home," Yui asked

Pain was in deep thought he started pacing around the room up and down.

"Think about pain you know I've been begging for another girl in Akatsuki" Konan said

"True… right she can stay"

"YAY" Tobi screamed

"ONLY if she stays in Deidara and Itachi room since it's the biggest" Pain said

"That's cool with us" Deidara said as he looked at Itachi who nodded.

"Right meeting dismissed" Pain ordered.

Everyone left the living room and went to their rooms

Hidan, Deidara, Itachi and Yui where in Deidara and Itachi's room.

"So Yui" Hidan said, "How old are you?"

Itachi sighed and turned to look at Hidan

"Your such a douche Hidan" Itachi said "You never ask a girl her age, She the same age as Deidara and I."

"Well sorry. So how about we go out tonight. Club 88" Hidan said

Itachi yawed "No I've already told Deidara and now I'm going to tell you. It's a fucking Sunday and I'm not in the mood "

"Tachi your never in the mood to go clubbing. But you're always in the mood to have sex with Dei"

Itachi gave Hidan a death glare. Hidan gave an evil smile.

"So tell me Itachi who's the uke?"

No answered Hidan question. Deidara who was already pissed of with Hidan from before had an idea to shut Hidan up.

"So Hidan you never told us are you straight or gay?" Deidara asked who was getting closer to Hidan.

"Um why do you care?" Hidan said secretly

"Well I've always wandered" Deidara was now practically sitting on Hidan's lap.

"Well we'll find out," Deidara said as he leapt on to Hidan and kissed him Itachi's jaw dropped 10 centermeters. Yui gasped and Hidan's eyes were wide opened Deidara had pinned him down so he couldn't move. Deidara entered him tongue in Hidan's mouth at this moment Hidan found some strength and shoved Deidara of him. His face was disgusted He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"You motherfucking bastard!" Hidan screamed Itachi has never seen Hidan so pissed in his life. His face was purple with anger he stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

All you could here was a faint laugh from Itachi. Deidara smiled.

"Well we now know" Yui said while trying to hold back a laugh. "So what did he taste like?"

"Um… well you can tell he brushed his teeth it was like minty and fresh." Deidara said

"Poppin' Fresh"


End file.
